Saturday, May 23, 2015

Still getting into the groove of motherhood

Not sure I will ever feel 100% in the groove of motherhood. I mean, is anyone really, ever? Before having Harper it was just the two of us. I worried about myself and one other person. Frankly, it was a piece of cake. Maybe because that other person (my wife) was an adult and well, she pretty much took care of herself. When we moved in together I learned rather quickly that the two of us created this house therefore we had to maintain it and do what normal couples do when they live together. No one prepared me what it would be like to live with another human being. Before this I lived alone. I took care of myself, and did what I needed. Me, myself, and I. Ok, so I cooked breakfast for us on the weekends due to my high demanding job and I tried the housewife cook after work. It happened sometimes....ok.....maybe not as much as I would have liked it to be. Truth be told.....we ate out a lot. We hung out with friends, we tried new places, we were in love and having a blast on date nights. Who wouldn't be? We didn't have any responsibilities and it was easier.

Then we moved, the talk of kids lingered our conversations. We grew more and more and I started becoming that housewife. I cleaned, cooked (semi-cooked), paid the bills, and crafted. I was the sole decision maker for our family. I knew how many towels we had in our closet and what was in the washer (even if it had been sitting there for days). Then it happened one day. Sarah point blank in my face said "I wish you would cook more". Fuck, fuck, fuck! It had happened. I failed. I failed myself, and my wife. I mean I feel like in your vows you vow to cook, clean, and keep your spouse happy. I did all of that but cook. Why was I so good at everything else but that? A lot of time went to feeling sorry for myself. Mad that my mom never sat down and taught me how to cook and eggs doesn't count. I tried to teach myself how to cook elaborate meals. I wanted to keep my wife happy. I failed. More times than anything. I picked myself back up and kept going. In fact, I still am. I am 1000 times much better than 7 years ago when we moved in together.

Which brings me to becoming a mom. Ever since we became mommies. I now crave to be that mom that cooks for our family. I want my daughter to grow up and know she had good meals. That was how I grew up. One of my fondest memories of being a kid. So, even after 7 years I am still learning. I am still trying to find my groove and motherhood has kicked it up a notch. I cook more than ever. I want to make sure I give her the best. No I am not perfect...and there are many times where Pinterest fails me and I go through the drive-thru ordering for my family because I am like any other human being learning my groove.


Thursday, May 21, 2015

Blank Slate

It's my first post on my new blog. I hate introductions, personally. Maybe it's because I stare at my computer screen forever trying to sum up everything "about me" in a simple blog post. So my apologizes if this post seems to ramble and go all over the place.

I have had several blogs throughout my life. Blogs help me write my feelings out and a safe place to store my memories throughout my life. It was a tough decision to shut down my previous blog as it had so much meaning to me, but I found that starting new and having a clean slate is so welcoming and refreshing. My other blog was about our journey through becoming mommies. All filled with our infertility woes and excitement as we got pregnant through our second IVF. Which all landed us with a beautiful baby girl whom we call Harper. She has been the best gift in life by far. She has given us the honor of being called her mommies and shows us what motherhood really is all about. Which brings me to this blog. I wanted a blank space to write about motherhood. All the glory it offers. Unfiltered and raw. No sugar coating. I want to be honest as a person, a mother, and a friend.

I am a mother. We are moms. We are NOT in anyway perfect and I am learning that through everyday obstacles. Motherhood is something I would never change. I would never want anything different than what I have right now. This is what I was meant to be on earth for. This is why I live.

For now this is good. I will dedicate another blog post to my my best friend, my love, my wife Sarah.